Chloë is our new ‘agony queen’. She invites you to take a chair, tell her your problems and await her judgement.
My relationship with my girlfriend, whom I met as an undergraduate at university, ended a few years ago, largely because of money issues I was going through at the time. It was my first and, to date, only relationship and lasted less than two years. I was devastated for a long time. For a few months I was quite optimistic about finding someone new. But that quickly turned to pessimism. To some girls I am too intellectual because I went to uni. To the grads I am too poor and working class because I work on a building site. I haven’t had a relationship now in five years and think I now never will. I constantly think about my ex and even though my family say I was best shut, I constantly think over what might have been. What should I do? Tim, Glasgow
Hi Tim. Forest Gump once said life is like a box of chocolates. He is not wrong, but I prefer to compare life to a book. Some chapters are openers, some fillers building detail for the next, some chapters bring side character stories to an end. You are dwelling upon ‘Chapter 3’ of your life; your past relationship because you have not yet turned the page to ‘Chapter 4’ in your mind.
Your whole outlook is stuck at Chapter 3; the ‘characters’ you see are still framed in that context; ‘grads’ despite the fact you have left university many years ago, and of course your ex.
Frame your thoughts around your present, your colleagues and friendship circle. Looking towards the future and not the past will give you a positivity that others will see. Including a future girlfriend
Although I can’t tell you that you will find someone, the overwhelming probability is that you will. And that should give you cause for positivity. I wish you the best in finding your future partner!